Crystal Methamphetamine
How did Crystal Methamphetamine play a part in my psychosis experience with God?
I chose to talk about my drug use with Crystal methamphetamine based on this question because when I began using this drug, it coincided with my growing awareness for God I was developing, and this drug helped even to open my mind to the point where I would be able to receive the characteristics of God’s spirit. For those who may not know, I sort of made a slow shift from Heroin to Meth. I used meth intravenously and what that did was it caused my mind to be in a contrasting state to the way that I was used to for so long. Coming off of Heroin and then switching to Meth, that meant a dramatic contrast and shift in my thinking patterns.
Suddenly, instead of sleeping, daydreaming, or numbing my life away with a relaxing shot of Heroin, I was now super mentally engaged, hawk-eyed, and mindful of every single thought, stimulus, and feeling that came to my body. Also, being the observant mind that I am, I was now theorizing, philosophizing, and deducing all that my mind could think up. That should give you a better idea as to how these two drugs, Heroin and Meth, have altered my mind in such a way as to be two different things; the first, Heroin, is a depressant, and the second, Meth, is a stimulant.
The problem was that Meth is a detrimental drug that stimulates and alters the human experience in ways that are not nearly normal. But that did not cross my mind altered mind during the duration of my drug use. Mainly I was focused on the question that bothered my heart for so long, “what is life?” This was the deciding factor that almost dictated everything that I did. Why? Because without any sure purpose or meaning to my life, I would remain just a floating soul who just went with whatever thrill, excitement, or delight that came its way. The important fact here is this, that I was living without any purpose, but I was trying always to ponder life’s purpose that I might find it, and the drugs were just there to help me pass by the miserable life experience that I was undergoing; I was depressed and devastated that my life had ended up the way that it did. The second important fact is this, that as I was seeking purpose by prayer and meditation (sometimes under the influence and sometimes not), I was beginning to see something greater happening around me; something greater as if there was a plan of some sort being drawn out around my every move. Now this plan was God’s plan, God’s word, and God’s spirit moving every which way around me, though I did not know it at the time. The effect was that I was be plunged into a world of imagination, and with my imagination going wild while under the influence, that would mean that I would be put straight into a psychosis. It’s true, God caused my psychosis, and although I was “tripping” off of my meth use, there still had to be some rational explanation for the characteristics of God that I was now seeing.
To close this passage, I would like to add that whether it was that I was high on meth or not, God’s character and his spirit was there regardless. I believe that because I was using meth regularly, I was incapable now of being able to rationalize and come to terms with the true source of this great encompassing power that suddenly seemed to follow me around. And I also believe that if I was sober minded and clean from drugs, I think that I would have still been unable to identify God as the source of all these happenings and that I still would have attributed these things to be of human design or of some other outer worldly plan. For months, starting and then following the months of May and June, 2016, I was in the wilderness wandering around aimlessly and hopelessly, and therefore the greatest thing to take away from all of these wanderings is this, the lord was there trying to catch my attention to save me from my own despair though I did not know it, the lord was there to help keep me alive and safe from the dangers of the crime infested city though I did not know it, and the lord was there with his unfailing love and support to help me in my solitude and loneliness though I did not know it. But I know it now. Thank you, father, the Lord my God for I am today alive and well and my mind has been restored to me; I am now ready to receive you and your wonderful characteristics.
