Baby Development or Christ Development
Becoming Christ
Coming to my own understanding of who I am as Christ had become a developmental process that took place during my recovery from my drug and alcohol addiction. In many ways that development can be compared to an infant child who goes through phases of growth learning how to communicate, interact, and move with an entirely new world of life. If you were to think about what it would be like to come to your understanding of being the chosen son of God, how would you describe that process of development? But that scenario becomes much more complicated and difficult to describe, think of how it might be for that chosen son if he was coming off a nasty drug addiction to Heroin and Meth while the initial process of development began? The critical initial stages of development started while I was still using drugs but then continued through an awfully long and suffering recovery from that drug addiction. It is not easy for me to explain it because there are so many factors that have heavily complicated the process. That is why I have decided to try and explain it using the comparison of a baby boy as he comes to his own understanding of who he is. I thought, this kind of development process is how I will describe to the world what it was like to come to my own understanding of who I am as “The Christ” of God.
Nature vs. Nurture! In the scientific community, this is the phrase used to indicate the two different forces that act upon the growth and development of a growing child. For example, there is an environment of growth where thee innate and instinctive forces acting upon that infant provides a way for him to cope and learn versus an environment of growth where the nurturing and caring environmental forces that teach the infant how to live. I needed to come into a whole new world to understand where naturally I was being pulled by the spirit of God into a new direction; what I was perceiving was very different and new, thus it seemed logical to investigate, however the environmental conditions around me at that time did not allow me a nurturing habitat for me to grow and live into. I basically did not have a nurturing mother to walk me through the process of growth, but I did have the instinctive impulse that told me that something needed to be learned. I have broken down that development into three phases. The first two of which are written in detail here.
Phase 1-Orientation and Cognitive development
During the growth of a child in the first 2 years of life, the mind is like a sponge where every waking moment becomes for them a constant orientation exercise. Even in their sleep, their brains are working endlessly connecting new pathways of cognitive and motor function; establishing memories and learned behaviors,
figuring out what to do and what not to do. They are just then learning the beginnings of what it is like to fear and what it is like to feel joy and learning the beginnings of what it is like to live and to survive. That was me,
there was a series of events and moments that suddenly had me waking up into an entirely different and new world. Granted, I was in my addiction and I was regularly using drugs during my first 2 years since I had started to awaken into this new presence (about the year 2015 to be exact). But nevertheless, it did not matter if I was under the influence, sober minded and thinking straight, or just laying my head on the lawn to watch the starts. I was certain and I was convinced that there was something entirely different about this life that I was living. Like a baby who does not know the future outcome, that it will grow to become an adult several feet higher in the air, having the ability to coordinate and to manage his/her own life someday, I had no idea who I was to become at this point in my development as God’s own child. I had no mother to nurse me through these crucial steps of life. But as for my father (God), I would barely have him too, for I was only learning how to faintly communicate with him. I did not know who God was and by the way that he was revealing himself to me, I had no clue that God truly does talk and communicate the way he was doing it with me (power of the spirit). Easily brushing off his presence and influences by common reasonings (“it’s just coincidence or it’s a small island, that could happen to anyone” were common sayings I would use to rationalize the strange coincidences that surrounded me). I needed to quickly get to know who God was and I needed to learn how to communicate with him.
In the effect, what happened was that I ended up initially ignoring the signs and I blocked out my father’s
presence by continuing the use of heroin and meth. Often this only made matters worse because the meth had my mind racing in a thousand different directions and the heroin had my senses dimmed to a silent roar. It didn’t take long until I just could not deny his presence any moment longer and so I went through a series of dramatic attempts at trying to figure it all out. Where exactly and who exactly was the source of this presence? I came up with several theories along the way. I also made many assumptions and justified many obscure and
bizarre truths even. I had my ideas and I would test them all out, very thoroughly at times only leaving me to look like a crazed and bewildered mad man.
This baby was learning how to communicate with his father. This baby was confronted with a fatherly figure
who he just plainly did not know. Let us say that the father (God) was doing his absolute best, but for the baby, he was having a mind of his own and he was thinking and going after ways of his own understanding. And at this point in baby’s development, that meant that baby was going to be a little behind on the grading curve of growth and life. Again, I was convinced that I was in a newly found presence of life, but I just could not get it right; for many reasons too, reasons that go far beyond the fact that I was in a continuous altered state of mind due to my drug addiction. I simply did not know how to make sense of how God talks and displays his power through to the son. I needed to figure out that I was without any doubt, extraordinarily different than any one person I have ever encountered in my life. Once I could figure that out, and with a clean and sober mind, then I might have figured it out sooner (I was yet another Son of God). You can be sure that I was indeed testing out this theory of mine when I was in my psychotic stages; I did test out the theory that I was the Son of creation of some form, shape, and fashion. How could I ever grow within this new wake of life if I had not had any foundation of truth that would ground me; what I mean is that I was uncommitted in my belief system to
any one ideology or philosophy. There were just too many things that I could not wrap my mind around. A critical downside I had was that I did not know how to be honest about my situation. What are these signs? What is the deal with these synchronicities and coincidences? I thought, “I have not read or heard anything alike what I was witnessing during my life thus far.” Surely there must have been somebody who could help me to understand. Drug treatment and medications surely did not seem to help. Nevertheless, the many situations and circumstances that I found myself in during these times took on many forms; I was in complete disarray and confusion because I had no firm roots to ground myself into.
Baby was approaching his 3rd year of development and there seemed still no clear answer as to how the father might get through to his son. There was something wrong with this child’s ability to relate to his surroundings and so my father needed to find a better environment for baby to be in so that he could save his son from more unfortunate outcomes. Baby had no mother and nurturing habitat. Important steps needed to be taken to save baby from his own undeveloped and mixed up mind. His very life was at stake it seemed.
