The Fall

Within a matter of six weeks, I had managed to get fired from my career job, spend and deplete all my financial resources, lose the connection and support of my father, get my car stolen from me, get left alone in a long term relationship gone wrong, lose the security of a safe place to live, and I had managed to face death in the face when I got robbed at gun point for every last dollar that I had. Call it a falling out of society or call it what you want to call it. It has been a long time coming and when this all finally had happened, everything in my life had began to take its turn for the worse. It was absolute devastation.

I feel that the greatest of these downfalls was that which occurred with my girlfriend Emma. For a long time now I felt that it was just a matter of time before I would lose all these things because I was a heroin addict; there was no way that I would be able to function and sustain myself just as long as I remained using this drug. It crippled me from head to toe. My girlfriend became my only friend that I had, and it did not take long before she would become the only support system in my life. When she decided to cut all ties with me, I was in great dismay and despair because I no longer had my best friend and I no longer had someone to confide in and talk to. To be honest, I did have some suspicions of her unfaithfulness to me. But that did not matter so much to me because she had always proven herself to be there for me. As soon as she showed signs of wanting to cut ties with me, there proved to be a sudden change in the way that she was becoming towards me. I was greatly surprised by her actions when she cut all communications with me.

Not to forget to mention that I was a hopeless and desperate drug addict. I had proven incapable of beating this addiction alone; I was completely and utterly defenseless against beating this drug. Though I did my best to make sure that I kept my addiction life hidden from all the people that mattered to me, the signs were still there that something was wrong. My father was the exception because he knew that there was a problem with me; he was the only person I told about my addiction and I constantly sought him for his help. My father did help me to quit this drug addiction many of times. But we agreed together that we would try to keep the matter discreet and unnoticeable to the rest. Nevertheless, even my own father was not there for me when it seemed that I needed his help the most. Coming from a mild place of elevated community standing where I had once found myself during my young adult life and now to this; this was surely to be a fall out for even the history books to take note of.

Despite all these tragic down falls, I feel that it was the Lord God’s will that this would happen to me. Why? Because I believe that he wanted me to be in a place where I would eventually learn to have no strong attachments to the things of this world. He wanted me in a place where I would notice and accept my wholehearted need for him. I had no money, I had no girl, I had no car, I had no father, I had no friends, and I had no place to call my own. The list goes on but my attachments to the things of this world grow thinner. But my suffering journey was only then getting started for me. For I still had not yet lost my mind. Once the drugs and lord had took my mind from me, I was surely to be gone and dead to the things of this world (Not to mention the persecution period that would come later that would take even more away from me). But this was wonderful news. Why? Because I was still alive, I was yet a young man, and I had, at the age of 27, began to learn to be thankful for life itself and I had finally begun my quest to find myself and to find the Lord. I will praise you and I will thank you all the days of my life dear Lord my God and father. Why? Because it is wonderful to be able to see the great plan of the Lord. Through all the suffering there was enlightenment and peace. It is glorious to see the lord’s plan that he would send me into a long and lonely suffering journey at which point I would seek a quest for righteousness and justice for all to take note. Therefore, then bringing many who have fallen victim to similar problems into reconciliation to the Lord. The Lord would use me as an example for many. It is good news. Perhaps you can see it, that the Lord has intentionally stripped me of all things of this world, and had even taken from me my own mind. I would learn that for now and for always, I am nothing without him, my hope in this life is for the Lord God alone, and my cause in this life is only for his righteous purpose. You must be able to see that even now after undergoing such great opposition and persecutions on a world stage, the Lord God would need to teach me so much regarding how to correctly choose the endeavors and efforts that I engage in; it is only now and after the pain and the suffering, am I better able to see the righteous and just course of action. The Lord has been able to do a complete change around with my life, my character, my spirit, and with my actions. Through the fall and then through the outpouring of God’s spirit, my foundations are now that much stronger. Through all that I have mourned for and endured, the lord has that much more strengthened my mind and heart because of it. The Lord God has made me meek and much more humble.

I believe that when all things of this world is stripped away from a person, the Lord God and a higher power becomes all that you have, thus paving the way for true spiritual awakenings, strong spiritual connections, and legitimate relationships with a higher power. It seemed that everyone I once knew had so easily left me for dead. I had lost my mind and I had found myself to be incarcerated for a short while. I believe that just a short while ago it seemed that my family would have been there to help me, but now that I had scared everyone off, I was left alone and without any support. At times, the only one that was there for me was my father who is in heaven and my brother Jesus who came swiftly to my aid when I finally reached out to him when I was in Jail. I will end this passage with this piece of scripture that was once taught to a people some 2,000 years ago: From the New Living Translation, “God blesses those who realize their need for him, for the Kingdom of Heaven is given to them. God blesses those who mourn, for they will be comforted. God blesses those who are gentle and lowly, for the whole earth will belong to them. God blesses those who are hungry and thirsty for justice, for they will receive it in full. God blesses those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy. God blesses those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God. God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God. God blesses those who are persecuted because they live for God, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs. God blesses you when you are mocked and persecuted and lied about because you are my followers. Be happy about it! Be very glad! For a great reward awaits you in heaven. And remember, the ancient prophets were persecuted, too.”